If you have been a visitor to the Pad for any length of time, you will be aware that I have a thing for lists, and that the list that started it all was a 40 x 40 bucket list. That is a list of 40 things that I wanted to do before I turned 40. Once I hit 40, I upgraded the list to 50 things, and with just 11 months left, they are earnestly being worked on.
However, as I approach 50, I’ve started to realise something important: life doesn’t necessarily get better by adding more things to do. Sometimes it gets better by choosing what not to do. I’ve raved about goal-setting and planning on this website, but not everyone thrives on structured goals or long lists of achievements. While some people (i.e.: me!) feel energised by them, others may feel quietly overwhelmed.
Which is why I want to offer an alternative to those of you who do not want a list of things to do; an anti-bucket list, if you will. It is a list of things you can consciously choose NOT to do in the year ahead.
1. I’m No Longer Saying Yes to Everything
For a long time, saying yes felt like the right thing to do. I would say yes to all of the opportunities, all of the requests. To helping people out, to squeezing one more thing into an already full week. At some point, though, I realised something uncomfortable: every yes to something that drains you is also a no to something that matters more.
I know why we sometimes do it too. We are afraid that if we don’t say yes, people will stop asking us. Perhaps if we turn down those old clothes, or items we don’t really need, they won’t offer anything to us again (even when we don’t really need anymore ‘stuff’.). We worry that if we say no to a night out, they may not invite us next time.
But our time, energy and attention become more valuable as the years pass.
Approaching 50 has made me realise that my time is no longer something to scatter in every direction. It’s something to spend deliberately. Which is why I’m getting more comfortable with politely declining those things that are not for me.
It turns out the world keeps spinning just fine when you say no. People will still ask you if you refuse once. You no longer have to say yes to everything.
2. I’m Not Trying to Do Everything
There’s a strange pressure in adulthood to somehow do all the things: We are expected to be productive, but still have time to maintain relationships and stay healthy. We should keep up with our hobbies, but also learn new skills, while also advancing in our careers, while also finding time to travel. Oh, and be good at all of it,
Somewhere along the way, life started to resemble a giant checklist to tick off. All of the additional expectations of being a grown-up, especially now that social media is highlighting influencers who seem to ‘have it all’, can be overwhelming. But the truth is: no one actually does everything. Every life involves trade-offs.
As I approach 50, I’m becoming more comfortable accepting that I won’t read every book, visit every country, learn every skill, or chase every interesting opportunity. It’s not about failure, it is about focus. While I once had a list of countries I wanted to visit, I am now more than happy to return to Japan and expand my knowledge of just one place. (Although if anyone is offering a free trip to New Zealand, sign me up!)
Choosing a smaller number of things that genuinely matter to you is far more satisfying than constantly trying to keep up with everything that might matter.
3. I’m Not Treating Rest Like a Reward
For much of my adult life, rest has felt like something that I needed to earn. Once I finish all the work, or complete the task list or have been productive enough then I can relax.
The problem is that the task list never actually ends. There’s always another job to do, another message to answer, another project waiting. Approaching 50 has forced me to reconsider something simple: rest isn’t a luxury. It is literally essential life maintenance.
Just like sleep, food, or exercise. Burning yourself out isn’t a badge of honour. It’s simply exhausting. So one item on my anti-bucket list is this: I’m no longer postponing rest until everything else is finished.
Because “everything else” is never finished. And, more importantly, there is nothing as under-rated as a good nap.
4. I’m Not Measuring Life by Productivity
Modern life quietly teaches us that our value is linked to how much we produce. We are judged by how busy we are, how much we achieve, or how efficiently we use our time. But when you step back, that’s a strange way to measure a life. Some of the most meaningful parts of life are completely unproductive:
Long conversations over dinner with a loved one, walking with no particular destination just for the fun of it,
watching a series or playing computer games with one of the kids, or having a laugh with friends while playing board games. (Or in my case losing board games!) None of these things would score highly on a productivity chart, but they are all things I love to spend time doing. They are also the moments I treasure the most.
As I approach 50, I’m less interested in squeezing maximum output from every hour and more interested in actually experiencing the hours I have. Life is not a factory and we’re not machines. We are here for a good time, not a long time.
5. I’m Not Waiting for “Someday”
For years, many of my goals lived in the vague territory of someday.
Someday – when the kids are older – things will slow down.
Someday – when I have more money- I’ll get around to visiting that place I want to see.
Someday – when I retire – I’ll have more time.
Someday- when I have the time – I’m doing to finish the garden.
But reaching your late forties has a way of changing how you think about time. You realise that “someday” has been quietly moving closer for a while, and if you’re not careful, it turns into never.
So one thing I’m choosing not to do anymore is waiting for perfect conditions before doing things that matter. That might mean taking the trip earlier, starting the project sooner or making the phone call now. It is not about time running out — but because time is too valuable to keep postponing the life you want to live.
A Different Way to Enter the Next Decade
Turning 50 doesn’t feel like an ending. If anything, it feels like an editing process. You start keeping the parts of life that matter most, and quietly letting the rest fall away: less noise, more intention and better balance.
And perhaps that’s the real purpose of an anti-bucket list. Not to limit life, but to make space for the parts of it that truly matter.
